The 2016 Tragedy

As you may (or may not) have noticed, I did not write a single blog in 2016.  A lot went on throughout that year.  Some good, some bad, and some completely devastating.  

In January, I settled into a one bedroom apartment on the main street of town.  It was small, but it had some nice features, and was fairly quiet other than the occasional train whistle from the nearby station. Samson (my cat) and I were fairly content.  I'd go to work, come home and watch Netflix and work on my comprehensive exam that was looming over my head for schooling.

Occasionally, I would go to the local military club that I am a member of, and have a few beers after a long day at work.  I started to notice that there was a guy that was bartending there certain nights of the week that was always smiling, kinda of flirty, very attractive, and nice to everyone there.  Of course, I was drawn to him instantly.  I began asking the people around me about this guy... and then finally got the nerve up to talk to him:

Me:    Hey. You got a girlfriend?  (I know... classic, right?)
Him:  Yes.  (I appreciated the honesty, really.)
Me:    Oh. Well that sucks.  Well if you ever become single, and you're interested, let me know.
Him:  *smiles* Ok.

Later on that month, I was having a drink at the local pub and I felt someone's hand tickle the back of my neck.  It was him! The bartender from the military club! And he touched me! So I turned around and I said, Oh wow it's you!  He looked at me and said, yes.  And I wanted to find you and let you know that I am here just to tell you I am single now.  I am pretty sure my cheeks flushed immediately.  

Anyhow.. we've been inseparable ever since.  He has become my best friend and soulmate.  Someone I never want to fall asleep or wake up without.  We now have a beautiful apartment together. I'm going to have a step-daughter, whom I absolutely love and adore.  The wedding is planned for May 2017.

That was what was good about 2016.

But 2016 was filled with a lot of tragedy.  It was the year that Hollywood stars were called home one by one. Robin Williams, David Bowie, Prince, Carrie Fisher (yes! Princess Leia!), George Michael, Florence Henderson, Gene Wilder, Anton Yelchin (from the new Star Trek movies), Muhammad Ali, Chyna, and Harper Lee - just to touch the surface.  Although news reporters are saying that this year has not created a record of celebrity deaths - it just seems more because there are more "A-List" stars in 2016.  Very sad, indeed.

But the greatest tragedy of all was discovering in November that my cousin has succumbed to his addiction and was found deceased in Baltimore.  The grief of losing someone to something like heroin is something you cannot possibly describe.  It's something that I will never forget.  He is someone that will never be forgotten and will always be loved.

As we know, grief has several stages: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.

Yet, when you grieve someone from an addiction - it's weird because I find myself being angry a lot more than the other stages.  I'm angry at the drug culture that surrounds our area.  I'm angry because there is so much to be done, but I don't know where to start.  I'm angry because even when people get help they still slip.  That slip can either be ok or fatal... and so can the next slip. And the next.  Then it's no longer a slip.  It's back to business as usual. Why can't more be done about the clearly present epidemic of heroin and opioids in this country?  I'm appalled at the lack of concern. I'm disgusted when people think it's ok.  It's not ok!

It's not ok that my uncle had to bury his only son.  No one should bury their child. No one.  And it's not ok that the people who enabled and called him a friend were not there the day of his memorial.. but would show up at a drop of a hat to get high. I'm disgusted.  Know who your friends are... friends care about you.  Those types of people are not friends. They will use you and sell you out to save themselves. 

Please, if you know someone abusing prescription drugs or using heroin, get them help.  So what if they get mad at you.  It could just save their life.






American Addiction Centers:  877-620-8491

Addiction to Sobriety:  877-810-0397

Class

You know, I've been thinking a lot about life and about how far we have come as men and women in this world. I've been thinking about how far away we've come as well.  

I was going through the internet the other day and I was looking at old pictures of movie stars, and street scenes, and things that you don't really see in our world anymore. Like, for example, I noticed pictures of men opening car doors and laying their coats on the ground for a woman. The women were sexy, confident, and beautiful; yet, they weren't exposing their breasts or bottoms for everyone to see or flipping people off and yelling in the streets.  Men weren't carrying guns, they were carrying flowers. They were holding hands with their lady,

What happened to everyone?

I would like to think that it's ok for women to remain classy... You know, to want flowers and allow a guy to open the door.  I think it's ok for a guy to feel like he can be a gentleman without a woman getting mouthy or offended because she can do it herself. 

Is it possible to miss something I've never lived through? Is it possible to miss a time period I've never experienced?  

I think a lot of times, people are unhappy because of how we treat one another.  I truly do. We don't respect each other. We don't treat the women like beautiful creatures that were made by the hand of God. We don't treat men like the strong, solid creatures that God created.  

Also, we forget that women hurt inside long before they'll say so, and we forget that men need reassured of our love every day. Because we forget about others when we're so into ourselves.  We forget how to treat people, how to love. We forget how to be classy. 

I miss class in our society.  As with everything I know, everything begins and ends with each of us. So if it's class I miss, it needs to begin with me.

Wednesday

I was driving to work this morning for the first time in three days. I was following a diesel truck. I thought I was going to throw-up. The smell was nauseating and I couldn't seem to shake that cold feeling I got when I smelled the fumes. It stayed with me.. I will never forget that smell.

See, on Wednesday I arrived to work at 8 a.m., turned on my computer, and began going through the three-inch pile of paper on my desk from Tuesday.  I saw a couple missed calls from my neighbor, and while he doesn't call often, I figured I would call him on my lunch break, but he called again, so I answered.

Neighbor:  Marissa? You should probably come back this way. Your house is on fire.

Me:  What?

Neighbor:  You need to come back to Clearfield, your house is on fire.

Me frantically:  On my way.

So there in lies the beginning of a nightmare. Every home owner's worst fear...every pet owner's worst fear: A fire in the house.

I work an hour & a half away.  By the time I pulled into my driveway, the fire crew was primarily gone except one or two remaining firefighters waiting for me and watching that the fire didn't rekindle. 

I didn't even have to walk into the house to smell the odor of smoke and water mixed with melted plastic, wood, dry wall, and whatever else was in the fire's path. As I walked into the kitchen, I couldn't even believe it was my house. My home. My safe haven.  It was covered in soot from top to bottom as if someone took a printer cartridge and sprayed it over the entire circumference of the room. Broken pieces of plates and glass lay about the blackened, curled linoleum floor.  There were things scattered everywhere as if a hurricane had taken place.

Beyond the kitchen we walked into the living room – the point of the fire.  To say that I was devastated would be an understatement.  My bay window had completely blown out and glass was laying everywhere on charred remnants of furniture and floor.  The stuffing in my couch appeared to have been shot out of a cannon.  The couch must have exploded, or the outlet behind the wall did based on the amount of stuffing strewn about throughout the room.

I glanced around the walls... blackened and peeled.  There were holes in the ceiling where the fire crew busted through so they can see if the fire had risen to the crawl-space attic. The blades of my ceiling fan lay burned in small pieces of wood on the floor, leaving nothing but the metal tips next to the scorched motor.

The smoke and water damage trailed down the hallway into the laundry room and bathroom.  The exhaust fan above the shower had been ripped out of the ceiling in the bathroom as well to check for fire above. I noticed how black the roof looked, and realized that will probably need to be replaced as well.  Habitually, I opened the medicine cabinet, thinking that I will see my toothpaste bottles and toothbrush safe and secure behind the magnetic mirrors.  All the contents inside were covered in several thick layers of black powder and dust.

At this point the odor of smoke, along with everything combined, was starting to make me sick to my stomach.  The back two rooms had their doors shut when I left that morning, and while damage was minor to the rooms, all items were destroyed by smoke damage.

I walked back out the living room and looked around in shock.. disbelief.  

How can this happen so fast? 

I was only gone for a couple of hours. 

Nothing was on – no candles, burners, space heaters, etc.  Nothing.  

I was told that the fire was electrical and started in the wall due to old wiring.

I looked at all my “stuff”, at all the things I owned and thought of all the money spent on them. Wasted. 

... the movies I couldn’t wait to buy once they came out on Blu-ray … 

melted and water drenched…

…the hundreds of school books I had accumulated so I could begin my dissertation process within a few months…

sticking together with smeared lettering, wet pages, and charred covers….

… the Calvin Klein travel bag with melted wheels, the Jimmy Choo tote that I recently bought because “I deserved it” in a pile of mud and water…

… my Star Trek collection, many of which had sentimental meaning... burnt to ashes, or stained with the pungent odor of smoke...

And I thought to myself… in an instant.. in a blink of an eye.. everything we “want” is gone.  All material possessions… everything… can be taken away by a storm, a flood… a fire…

And I immediately felt a peace come over me because while I lost everything (including a dearly loved pet) in the fire, I had my family and friends who rushed to be by my side as I cried or stood speechless.  My family and friends who put together their last dimes so that I could begin to rebuild my life again. 

I am beyond humbled by the amount of strangers who have walked  up to me and hugged me with tears in their eyes over the loss of my beautiful cat, Roxy or over the sadness of the holiday season upon us, or over the fact that they’ve been where I am.. and it brings back that feeling like it was like yesterday.

And I think of all that wasted money on stuff.  And I think of where that money should have gone.

To another person with a fire.

To that girl with cancer.

To that boy in the car accident.

To that man that needs a liver transplant.

To the disabled woman who wants nothing more than to work.

To the single dad with three jobs raising his daughter.

To the woman taking care of her dying mother.

Because even though you can't see these things... I know they won't burn in a house fire.  These things help other people. These things uplift the spirit. Give hope to the hopeless, and help the lost find another step in their path.

My friends, NOTHING lasts forever here.  Our possessions mean nothing. They bring us no value or worth.  They are items on a shelf, picked up here and there, and placed back until you notice them again.  Nothing is permanent here.  It can be taken away just as easily as it can be obtained.  I am so thankful that there will someday be a place where our “treasures” can never be destroyed, where we will never feel the heartache of burying a loved one, or the sadness of finding a perished pet in the ashes because she couldn’t escape the smoke and flames.  Until then, I have decided that I don’t need a lot, just the company of others, the uplifting encouragement of friends, the kind spirit of a stranger, the touch of a loved one... and I plan to be those things as well.

In this world of sadness and darkness, I truly believe all we need is a little more love and little less stuff.

"Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Matthew 6: 19-21

Wall Street Journal Reaction

Recently the Wall Street Journal published a national article about the newspaper in my hometown of Huntingdon, Pennsylvania.  The article described in detail, down to quotes, the absurdity of The Opinion Line, and the fight about people wanting it taken out due to fact that it’s pretty much a free-for-all complaint section. 

I know all about the opinion line, as I said, I grew up in that area.  What I didn’t care for, was the blatant arrogance and disregard to the people of Huntingdon County.  The article made it seem like those from that area marry their cousins, pick their teeth with wheat straws while playing the banjo.  I was appalled.

Let me tell you a little about what I know:

My parents are still together after 35 years of marriage.  They’ve been loyal and faithful through financial hardships, three growing girls, and family tragedies.  My family attends church and afterwards family often gets together for lunch either at someone’s house or at a local restaurant. They give to charities that help religious and humanitarian causes. *Oh the horror!*

Let me tell you about the people of Huntingdon County:

We have beautiful big weddings in churches that are old and full of rich culture or in gorgeous gazebos near breathtaking lakes. We don’t rent those places because those places are our backyard.  

We party too, except we don’t have to leave a club at 2 or 4 a.m. and take a taxi home. We have fields and fire pits that allow our parties to last until dawn.  And you bet there’s corn hole… and don’t knock it until you try it!

My dad has a beautiful outdoor fireplace and outdoor setting he built with his own hands that would make the guys on DIY Network look like they play with Legos. Yeah - I said that.

People around here take care of each other. They know their neighbors, and protect each other’s children. We value family. We value friends. We value our good names.

In Huntingdon County we DO have tons of mountains… beautiful mountains that people travel all around to see. We have a HUGE man-made lake that people travel all around to see. We have parks with real grass, and children are safe to ride their bikes around town together and play.

I’m not sure who this person is from Los Angeles that thought that telling the city folk there are still places in this nation that are all honkey tonk and backwoods.  And there are a few of those (and so what?), but to paint an entire town to sound like we’re people from The Hills Have Eyes is insulting.

Let me tell you what else I know. I graduated from Southern Huntingdon High School – a small school district in Huntingdon County. I graduated with a class size of around 90 kids.  We all know each other and most are still in contact to this day. I hold three, almost 4 degrees – working on my doctorate degree in education currently.  I am a college director with a great school. I belong to several well-respected organizations throughout several counties. I am changing lives thanks to this little county.  And I’m not the exception to this either.

IN A NUTSHELL

I’m not ashamed to say I love looking at the mountains when I wake up instead of skyscrapers. 

I love taking my hot cup of coffee out on my porch, that I own, instead of waiting in line and drinking it on a crowded subway.

I love smelling fresh air instead of pollution and smog.  

I love backyard bon-fires, enjoying a Miller Lite, and wearing flip flops until it snows.  

I’m not ashamed to be from Huntingdon County. In fact, I'm super proud to be from this area.

What I AM ashamed of is the author of that article. I'm not letting some snobbish city slicker knock on this beautiful area without him realizing how wonderful it is to be from Huntingdon County. 

With all due respect, sir: You can take your article and shove it. 

*marissa* 

Thinking Out Loud

Thinking out loud:   I've had a lot of people ask me for advice on relationships.  I'm not sure why; I'm horrible with relationships.

So, I guess I'll just leave this blog with this.  I think this is some sound advice that can apply to us all:

When you talk more about your future than your past, then you're ready.

When you are more joyful than miserable with your current life, then you're ready.

Take care of yourself before inviting someone in.
It's the only way both people can be happy together.

Hugs - Marissa

Why do bad things happen?

Why do bad things happen?

I can't speak for God.  I don't have the knowledge or the capacity to do such a thing.  I can't see what He sees or hear what He hears - and I certainly do not even know NEARLY as much as He knows. But, I'm going to try and just discuss this topic today.

1 Corinthians 13:12 says, “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”

This is not going to be a "You sinned and were punished" blog. While I do believe "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23), I do not believe because Sally said a swear word in school that she is destined for horrible things to happen.  But I do believe that our reoccurring enjoyment of things that displease God cause waves throughout our society like the moon pulls the ocean tides.  It's cause and effect. Direct or indirect - it happens.

Also, I'm not one to agree with telling someone the, "It was God's will" theory when comforting someone. Why? Because it doesn't make any of us feel better, and while God certainly knew this horrible day would come for this person, it certainly doesn't help in answering the question of "why".  I find the statement, "It was God's will" creates more anger and resentment in the questioning hearts of grievers than healing. You will never hear me tell someone these words while they grieve.

So, why would God take my friend who went to church every Sunday? Why would God have this child hurt in such a horrendous way? Why did Got not intervene when my family member died in this car accident? Why?!  

I don't think it was God's will to have a child suffer, or your friend to be hurt, or death to come to a family member. I don't believe that for a second. Why not? Well, because my God is amazing... and powerful... and GOOD.  He's the very definition of LOVE.  In fact, you can even replace the word "love" in this passage, with GOD.  Seriously.. try it:

1 Corinthians 13:4-13  New International Version (NIV) says: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

He is love because he was willing to sacrifice his own self - his own son (Jesus) - his being - for me. And for that child, and your friend, and your family member, and yes, for you.  

Now I'm not a parent, but I certainly have learned a lot about them from being around them enough to know that there is some special kind of bond - some special kind of love that a parent has for a child that no one can touch.  And to just allow something horrible as not only seeing strangers ridicule, but also spit, beat, harass, abuse, and eventually kill your child... well I think you'd want to die yourself.  And that's what God did.. for me and the child, and friend, and family member, and for you.  But He didn't do all that so that all these horrific things can happen to US.  He did it so that we can live WITHOUT pain and suffering. Now THAT is LOVE.  

But... suffering and pain still happens.

First, let me put it this way.  I do not believe that God created evil, or harm, or suffering. Why? Because He is perfect.  I am also confident that this is currently Satan's world...A world of lies, tears, pain, rape, murder, disrespect, etc. And it's also very contagious.   

In a world of darkness, Satan sees opportunity. Opportunity to bring you to your knees - not to pray to God, but to curse God.  The father of lies wants you weak, because at our weakest hour, he can entice us. He can provide us with generous offerings of things that sound... well.. fantastic really.  When you are the weakest.. girls.. you know what I'm talking about.. when a guy breaks up with you.. you totally want Ben & Jerry's or chocolate or retail therapy.. am I right?! But seriously, it's easy to fall victim of those delicious, but not so good for you, tasty treats when no one is looking because it tastes sooo good.  

So we choose to consume.  It was our choice.

I'm going back to the parent example second, I think we can look at it in the realm of choice as well. Sometimes when kids get hurt, you knew ahead of time it was a possibility, but you're hopeful that the child will not run when they need to walk; will not talk to strangers, will not hit the new kid in school, and so forth.  So as a parent, you can often foresee things coming, but you can't prevent your child from living life! You can't make every decision for your child, either.  In the same respect, God may be able to foresee when we do wrong, or something wrong or bad is going to happen, but He can't prevent us from living our life, or making the choices we make.  That's again - part of loving us.  He lets us spread our wings, make our own choices, and if you want my opinion, God is not a helicopter parent.. for which I am thankful for.  We learn from our mistakes.  We clean up our own messes.  We fall. We get hurt and stand back up, but sometimes when we fall, we don't get back up.  

I think there are times that all of us find it so much easier to curse God for bad things that happen than to realize that while we are not separated from God here on Earth, we are not home either. This is not our home. This is just a temporary spot for the time being - and it's unfamiliar to us because we are just passing by.  

Have you ever gone through a rough spot in a city by accidentally taking the wrong turn?  You have no idea what to expect because you're not familiar with the area.  It's possible you could get shot. It's possible you could get hi-jacked.  It's possible you can drive through with no problems whatsoever.  I kind of think that's how this world is.  I think we're just driving by this unfamiliar area on our way to a destination.  

As a Christian, the best thing I can do in times of distress, sorrow, sadness, or even anger - is, instead of becoming weak and open to the fruits laid in front of me by Satan, is to concentrate harder on what God is trying to say to me.  I think it's important to lean on Him for comfort and strength.  We are all going to suffer - and we're all going to see our loved ones die. And we're all going to die.  That's life.  

On this journey, at least.

So for the ones that beat me there, I can't imagine how awesome it was to hear our Father tell us in his own voice, "welcome home".  I'll see you when I get there.  From the sounds of it, we'll have eternity to catch up.



In loving memory of all my friends and loved ones who have passed on from this life and gained their wings.  RIP

Adulthood

Have you ever had the feeling of just giving up? I mean not permanently (goodness, no!), but maybe just for a while.. an adult vacation from.. well.. adulthood.  Example:  I want to lay on the couch, have someone make me food, not go to work or school, and be provided for. haha.. of course, I joke.  I am blessed to be able to do those things on my own being healthy and of sound (sometimes.. haha) mind, and I love them all.  But life does get quite overwhelming at times.

As a child, you have no concept of just how hard life can get.  When you're young, most of us see our parents as these invincible pillars - always strong.  I look at how my parents were with us as children and I would have never known the difficulties they went through until I was much older. I know we're all like that, but it's just amazing how much is sheltered from the mind of a child.  Or rather, maybe it's not so much sheltered as what can actually be processed as a child.  Maybe a bit of both.

As a child, we may be able to worry, but not as much as we do as adults.  Some adults are much better at worrying than others.  I am the worlds best worrier.  Not a bragging right, but a truth nonetheless.  I worry about everything - perhaps because I am somewhat of a perfectionist in performance.  If I do something, you better believe I'm going to do it the best of my ability.  That method isn't always the best method, however.  It usually causes me to procrastinate when my whole heart isn't into it yet.

Also as a child, you don't have the concept of romantic love (although I'm feeling like there are more adults that are still at that level).  Many of us struggle to find someone that loves you in the same manner, can carry the same work ethics, share the same beliefs, hold the same priorities.  At 33, I have yet to find this.  Maybe I'm being a bit picky.  Maybe I'm waiting for something.  As I said in another one of my blogs, I always feel like I'm waiting - and I never feel at home anywhere.  I even said this to my mom one day.  I don't, though. I never feel at  home. In the past 5 years, I've lived in 4 different places. Seriously... who does that? I keep searching for something and I have yet to find it.

So like I said... being an adult is rough - and we'd like to throw in the towel for a few days.  Maybe what I really needs is a summer vacation home with a pool boy!  KIDDING!

At any rate, I certainly am thankful to be able to have adult problems, though. I've had a few friends who've had their lives cut short, and I wouldn't take my blessings in life for granted.  But the struggle is real some days. I am thankful for a few true friends I've made in this life that make venting a little easier, and a God that allows me to count my blessings a lot more.  Family is up there too. 

Well, make today another good day in life.  Enjoy being an adult, and the the responsibilities therein.  While I'd love to take a short-term leave from adulthood from time to time, I'll gladly keep up the good fight.  Besides, if I hit the lottery someday, I plan on taking that temporary adult "layoff" along side a beautiful sandy beach.  Maybe you'd like to go with?

Happy Thursday!