The thought of children terrified me ... being responsible for this other life. Having someone depend on you for everything. That's a lot of pressure. I also know that my genetics are pretty crappy. High blood pressure, tachycardia, anxiety, depression, skin allergies... you name it, someone in my family has had it, or will someday. I certainly didn't want to be responsible for giving some kid a life of medication and doctor visits. So I let the nurturer in me, which I do have, motivate and cultivate my students. I didn't need kids... I had 50 in my building I could take care of. And I was ok with that for 35 years.
I remember the first Father's Day I had after meeting my now husband. It was the first time I was getting to meet his daughter, a beautiful, spunky 8 year old with long red hair - tall and skinny. I was so nervous about meeting her I was feeling nauseous. I've dated men with kids before, but I was never allowed to get close to them, even after years. And this guy.. he wants me to meet his kid after dating a month. I was terrified, and intrigued.
We pulled into a church parking lot across from his daughter's mother's house and waited for his daughter to come. I'm not sure what all happened, but it went downhill fast. The next thing I know, I am holding this beautiful, frail girl in my arms as she's crying "please don't let them hurt my daddy, please!" This was not the first impression I was expecting. An attempted fight ensued, and no one wanted him to take his daughter then - so he locked himself in the car and waited for the police to come let us take his daughter for the day. After the police saw the court order, we were free to go.
I had never been through ANYTHING like that in my entire life. And I hope I never encounter another day like that again. I was so shaken up. They decided to go swimming at a relatives house. I dropped them off and drove away saying I needed some alone time to process everything that just happened. Is this an ongoing thing that I am going to have to endure dating this guy? Having another person's child in my life? I wasn't sure that I wanted that - any of it.
Over the course of months, things were a roller coaster of court dates, custody battles, and emotions. I have to say, once I committed that this was the man I wanted in my life, I understood that I also made a commitment to his daughter. They are a packaged-deal. One comes with the other.
Slowly, things began to get better - and visits became more frequent and fun. Once he and I got engaged, she was even excited. She said she's glad I was going to be her "other" mom. We've even had "girl dates" for Chinese food and shopping. Once he and I got married, his daughter and I got even closer. When she calls to speak to her dad, she asks to speak to me too. She tells me she loves me, and that I am a great step-mom.
And that's not all - the relationship with her mother and step-father, and my hubby and I has improved tremendously. We can chat in the middle of the street, or on the phone. We can text or call cordially and civilly. I don't expect us all to be best friends, but I am happy with where we all are. It's best for everyone involved - especially their daughter. And after-all, we all only want what's best for her, and we all love her.
So I guess in the end, things really do work out one way or another. God does work in mysterious ways. Many times I reflect on how far I have come over the past few years, and I cannot believe I have been blessed the way I have. Things haven't always been easy, but we made it. And now I have an amazing husband who is attentive, affectionate, committed and love. I have a step-daughter that I can't imagine a life without now. I can't speak for anyone else that has a "blended" family, but it's certainly not easy... dealing with holiday schedules, friends, parties, the other family, etc. But I wouldn't trade it for anything, because I am truly blessed to have found this perfect family. My perfect family. Thanks be to God!
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